UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE

I wake up this morning hung over.

I drive to the nice chinese restaurant down the street and have a nice meal, lots of oolong tea and the waitress forgets the chili sauce I love.

I go to leave to volunteer work at the thrift store but my car won't start. No power to anything at all, there were no warnings of this ever with the way the vehicle has run before.

A nice Chinese guy gives me a jump and it works, it MUST be the battery.

I get home and then walk a half mile in 110 degree heat to the battery shop and slap down $70 for a new battery. I carry it, all 60 pounds, all the way back.

I spend 2 hours installing it in the same muggy 110 degree heat. Two bolts snap and all the parts are incorrect.

Car again, does not start...

I get a jump, thinking, it just isn't charged, get to the thrift store and it won't start again (not the battery, $70 wasted).

I get home and put the old battery back in in 110 degree weather (one hour). Try to take the new battery (4 hours old) back, towing it in a wheeled suitcase, wheel falls off the suitcase. I get back to the battery store and they say, "Can't return it, it looks used."

Shamefully lugging the suitcase and battery back, I stop at Trader Joe's to buy some water, ther are 30 people in each line. I get home without any additional failure.

After cleaning the terminals (and with the old battery), the car starts.

I go to work at Raytheon to make up my missing hours after I took a vacation last week. I stop at a gas station and insert my debit card.

"AUTHORIZING" "AUTHORIZING" "AUTHORIZING" - Nothing happens with the gasoline Ubercomputer other than that. Five minutes later, I try my card again and it works.

I drive home from work thinking that my car power is going to die at any minute. It is a hellish adventure. Almost all of Tucson has no streetlights or places to pull over due to the observation towers on the mountains which need nothing nearby with good lighting to do their work. (Hey, no lights, good car looting for the criminals!) Stopping at the local Megamart (TM), to get a bottle of wine. The shelves are STRIPPED of goods. The quickcheck stands are closed and the lines are over 30 people each.

I get home with no additional problems.

I go to the nearest convience store later, cops are everywhere and a sign on the door says, "Filling out police reports, closed."

Drive to the next store and the crackhead neighbor who ruined my life last year is standing in front, I hadn't (thankfully, by the gods), seen him in over a year. He has a new mustache and short hair, his new "after incarceration" look, after he got out of jail. I drive off.

At the next intersection, I stop and try to go but some scenester asshole spots two fat chicks walking up the street and does a U-turn in the middle of the road R E A L L Y S L O W L Y blocking my way for a good two minutes.

I get to the NEXT convienence store, three miles away, and all their shelves are stacked on the OUTSIDE of the building. As I get out of the car, some black dude with a prostitute yells at me the typical "hey, hey, HEY!" to grab my attention. I yell back, "HEY, I've had a bad day, leave me alone!" Black man with prostitute: "I'VE HAD A BAD DAY TOO!!!!" He starts having an enraged conniption fit towards me. I buy stuff and escape back to my house.

Nothing happens after that. I watch Star Trek.